Life With My Elder
by Deb Adler
Noted journalist Bill Moyers recently wrote:
“Consider yourself among the fortunate of the world if you have just one friend …who tells you the truth when
the world is seducing you with flattery, or when it lets fly its slings and arrows, reassures you those things, too, shall
pass.”
Such is the presence of Grandmother Pa’ris’Ha
in my life. In the past eighteen years of my association with this great teacher I have come to learn through experience that
personal growth cannot be accomplished from the “sidelines.” In other words, any personal growth that is heavy
on intellectualizing and short in putting principles into action is self-deception. Furthermore, personal growth is not a
“solo” sport. It’s a “team” deal. It requires a coach, i.e. a reflection that, just like the mirror, shows it “like it is”- with
no distortion, no effort to cover up or deny that which it sees.
I invited Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha
into my life eighteen years ago to be such a reflection for me because I wanted to reach my full potential as a human being,
as a child of God, God expressing on this earth. I am human, and as such, I am
prone to self-deception and bias, particularly when growth becomes uncomfortable, which all growth is. Alone, I can justify holding back or pulling back rather than stretching – especially when it’s
going to hurt – for a multitude of reasons (all of which fear-based). But my “coach” is there to remind
me of my commitment to excellence and to stay on me to go the distance. Why?
1.) Because I asked her to. That’s the role I asked her to play in my life,
and, 2.) Because I stay “in the game” and don’t give up on myself.
As my mentor, my coach, Pa’ris’Ha
cannot force me to do anything, and cannot make me care enough to go the distance on my commitment. But so long as I am in there giving it my best effort, she is along side of me encouraging, nurturing,
and pushing me to reach beyond my self-imposed limitations and fears. If she
observes that I am not giving my best effort or appear to be giving up on myself, she will ask, “Is this it? Are you
quitting?” As long as I say “No” she stays in the game with
me. That’s our agreement.
Sometimes the road seems longer and harder
than I think I can make, and that’s when she tells me if I can’t make it on my own faith, walk on hers –
that she has enough for both of us. Anyone who has ever run a marathon knows, and that’s what a commitment to spiritual
growth is – a perpetual marathon – that at some point about three-quarters of the way into the race, your muscles
are straining, every fiber of your being is beset with doubt as to whether you can keep going another step; your mind is taunting
you with “Give it up. It’s not worth the price.” In that moment
of truth you either pull out or find the resolve you need to keep going. Once
I show the resolve to keep going, Pa’Ris’Ha is relentless in helping me to get to the finish.
If I look as though I am growing dependent,
I can expect a loud and distancing silence that lets me know very clearly I have my own work to do, and I have to be the one
to do it. She’s not there to carry me. Some teachers gather up “followers.” Pa’Ris’Ha trains and works only with leaders. She constantly challenges
us to walk to the right and the left of her, not behind her.
When my choices take me away from my declared
goals, Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha helps me to gain perspective and to
“re-take” my “mis-take.” If those choices signal imminent
danger, she is direct and does not indulge in soft-peddling. Like any gifted coach or mentor, Grandmother knows that to help
a person deceive themselves may well be aiding and abetting their death – spiritual, emotional, and physical. Sometimes
she has to be stern in order to get my attention, but she remains steadfast at my side to help me see my way through to solutions
and better choices. She is loving and nurturing and thorough. Any mother or father who has had to step between their beloved
and imminent danger has been such a presence in their children’s lives. She
is relentless in her commitment as a healer and teacher.
Pa’Ris’Ha is a powerful teacher,
healer, world leader. She is recognized as such in many circles. Powerful people attract powerful opposition. In fact she
teaches that one can measure the power of the commitment they have made by the force of the opposition that comes back to
it.
I have witnessed Pa’Ris’Ha
walk into a group of detractors, greet them warmly and genuinely, and in a matter of minutes, totally disarm their arguments
and hostility with simple Truth. She faces the opposition, as she teaches us, in faith and, embraces it as an opportunity
to be the Peacekeeper. She walks her talk.
I know. I have worked alongside Grandmother
Pa’Ris’Ha for 18 years. My name is Deborah Adler. I am also known as U’tana A’qua No gi’ Su
to The Principle People, the TaSaligi, by whom I have been adopted and am family. I
am a songbird, a writer, a teacher, a healer, a minister, a businesswoman, a spiritual archeologist. I consider myself privileged to know Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha as Elder, Sister, Associate, and
Friend.
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